Abuse

What will it take?
Am I going to have to hit you upside the head with a 2 x 4?

I remember the way that it hurt me.
No, not "it."
I remember the way that you hurt me.
You hurt me.

I remember the way that you hurt me.
I cannot forget.
And yet I dismissed it.
I let it go.

What was it to take?
Perhaps I needed you to use the 2 x 4.
Maybe then I would have realized.
Maybe then I could have done something.

You hurt me.
How could you hurt me?
You said that you cared.
You said you'd always care.

Obviously not though.
Did you ever care for me?
Why was this somehow okay for you?
Why did I think this was okay for me?

I was hurt.
I was hurt by you.
I was hurt by you knowingly.
I was hurt by you knowingly and you made me feel guilty for it.

What is wrong with me?
What is it inside of me that let this happen?
Why didn't I make it stop?
Why couldn't I make it stop?

I can blame you day and night.
I can scream to the heavens.
I can cry to my friends.
I can not excuse myself.

Failure.
That's what I am.
A failure.
Who let myself be hurt.

Your little failure.
You played with me like a toy.
You had your laughs.
You finished with me.

I am left scarred.
I am left scared.
I am left to figure everything out.
I am left wondering.

You hurt me.
I could not leave.
What was it going to take?
Would a 2 x 4 upside the head have made any difference at all?